According to Rita DeMaria, Ph.D., a relationship educator in Philadelphia, "sustaining the spark in a relationship isn't automatic, no matter how much you love one another. Every couple fights, has their rough patches, and goes through times when they might even feel like giving up. But those who take the necessary steps to turn things around and find their groove again often fall more in love than when they first got married."
There are several examples that have been proven to work for lots of couples to help them have that "newly married" feeling even after more than five years. Schedule intimate time together. A lot of couples think that spontaneity is the "spice of life", but several researchers have found that scheduled time for intimacy is the only real world solution for many couples and the key is to be consistant. Have a monthly "check-in" session going over the good and bad of your relationship. Try not to focus on the negative or get bogged down with regret or what's missing, instead focus on the small moments and gestures that make you grateful for choosing the person you are with and celebrate those moments. Don't be afraid to do your own thing once in awhile, after all, your interests and individual personality are what attracted you to your mate in the first place. It's ok to keep connected to the things that you are passionate about. This keeps those late night talks interesting and lets the other person rediscover you in a new way.
Here's a little checklist of "8 ways to date your spouse":
1. Kiss like you mean it.
2. Fantasize about your future together.
3. Have him/her plan your next night out.
4. Ask him/her for updates on their friends.
5. Sit on the same couch.
6. Try a new activity together.
7. Flirt with each other.
8. Hold hands in public.
When it comes down to it, there are so many things to learn about marriage and how to not go down the divorce path, but if you ever do, just remember to get a good lawyer! Remember, you get what you pay for!
Benjamin, Jennifer. "How to Love Him Like You Just Met Him!". Redbook. September 2010. 191-196. Print.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Friday, December 3, 2010
Statistics on Divorce
We've all heard the statement, "50% of all marriages, ends in divorce". How true is this? What are the real statistics for people of different ages and people that have been married more than one time?
photo by divorcerate.org
The divorce rate in America for first marriage, vs second or third marriage is alarming! The statistics project that 50% of first time marriages will end in divorce, 67% of second time marriages and a whopping 73% of third time marriages! According to Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri her projected percentages range from 40% - 73% in her academic journal.
According to the Discovery Channel, couples with children have a slightly lower rate of divorce than childless couples. There is something to be said for "staying together for the kids". While sociologists believe that childlessness is also a common cause for divorce. The absence of children leads to loneliness and weariness and even in the United States, at least 66 percent of all divorced couples are childless.
Did you know that impotence is grounds for divorce in twenty-six states (Love, Lust & Faking It, McCarthy, Jenny 157). No wonder the percentage of divorced couples without children is so high.
McCarthy, Jenny. Love, Lust & Faking It: The Naked Truth About Sex, Lies and True Romance. HarperCollins. 2010. Print.
| Age | Women | Men |
| Under 20 years old | 27.6% | 11.7% |
| 20 to 24 years old | 36.6% | 38.8% |
| 25 to 29 years old | 16.4% | 22.3% |
| 30 to 34 years old | 8.5% | 11.6% |
| 35 to 39 years old | 5.1% | 6.5% |
The divorce rate in America for first marriage, vs second or third marriage is alarming! The statistics project that 50% of first time marriages will end in divorce, 67% of second time marriages and a whopping 73% of third time marriages! According to Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri her projected percentages range from 40% - 73% in her academic journal.
According to the Discovery Channel, couples with children have a slightly lower rate of divorce than childless couples. There is something to be said for "staying together for the kids". While sociologists believe that childlessness is also a common cause for divorce. The absence of children leads to loneliness and weariness and even in the United States, at least 66 percent of all divorced couples are childless.
Did you know that impotence is grounds for divorce in twenty-six states (Love, Lust & Faking It, McCarthy, Jenny 157). No wonder the percentage of divorced couples without children is so high.
McCarthy, Jenny. Love, Lust & Faking It: The Naked Truth About Sex, Lies and True Romance. HarperCollins. 2010. Print.
Friday, November 19, 2010
Divorce Around the World
Let us look at the different perspectives of divorce around the world. "Just as marriage creates a family relationship, divorce ends that marriage. Most of the Western Hemisphere and some countries in the Eastern Hemisphere allow divorce under certain circumstances. The legal issues surrounding eligibility for divorce are often very complicated and include everything from alimony and child support to whether the divorced wife must return to her maiden name. Remarriage is a surprisingly sticky issue, and throughout history many regions regulated if or when a divorced husband or wife could remarry" (History of Divorce, Kalafut, Molly 1).
In the 11th and 12th centuries, marriage became more institutionalized and divorce law became more and more restrictive. In the pre-Christian times there was considerable freedom to divorce. In Roman law, divorce, as well as marriage, was an informal transaction between two parties privately. Divorce upon mutual consent survived the reforms of Augustus and Constantine and the grounds for unilateral divorce were limited. The Christian Church has always shown an aversion toward divorce. The Church initially refused to bless all remarriages because it was believed that the spiritual ties created by marriage were not only survived by divorce but also death. The New Testament mentions repudiating an adulterous wife, but there is no concensus on this point in the Catholic and Orthodox worlds.
The Orthodox Church, under pressure by Byzantine emperors, limited the possibility for divorce and remarriage. The Catholic Church tolerated divorce and remarriage until late in the Middle Ages. Around the 12th century the indissolubility of marriage started to be enforced and it became the exclusive affair of the Church. In cases of adultery, separation was the only option, with no possibility for remarrying.
Some of the following examples show how divorce has been and is viewed around the world. "Rome in classical times before Christianization had an informal, private divorce process. Divorces could be carried out mutually by the partners. Husbands could unilaterally decide on divorce for little or no reason, announced by a letter "repudium" (Kalafut 3). Can you imagine being given a letter from your husband stating he was divorcing you for no reason? "In 449 the emperors Theodosius and Valentinian of Rome changed the divorce law to allow penalty-free divorces to men and women if their spouse committed certain acts (homicide, poisoning, robbery, etc) (Kalafut 3).
"In 1792 divorce was legalized in France then later made illegal in 1816" (Kalafut 3). It is legal today. I can't believe that finally Ireland made divorce legal on February 27, 1997! This is a good example of knowing family law before moving to another country. Chile is another country that has made tremendous cultural changes in the last decade by allowing divorce to become legal in 2004 after a 120 year ban. Also, Italy joined the Western Hemisphere in 1974 by legalizing divorce. This was a landmark decision in a country that has been dominated by the Roman Catholic Church.
It is evident that divorce has not been a new concept over time and among cultures, but the process has evolved.
Antokolskaia, Masha V. "The Process of Modernisation of Family Law in Eastern and Western Europe, Difference in Timing, Resemblance in Substance." EJCL Volume number 4.2 (2000): 5-7. http://www.ejcl.org/. Web. 11/12/2010.
Kalafut, Molly. "Molly Kalafut". http://www.molly.kalafut.org/. 2009. Web. 11/12/2010.
In the 11th and 12th centuries, marriage became more institutionalized and divorce law became more and more restrictive. In the pre-Christian times there was considerable freedom to divorce. In Roman law, divorce, as well as marriage, was an informal transaction between two parties privately. Divorce upon mutual consent survived the reforms of Augustus and Constantine and the grounds for unilateral divorce were limited. The Christian Church has always shown an aversion toward divorce. The Church initially refused to bless all remarriages because it was believed that the spiritual ties created by marriage were not only survived by divorce but also death. The New Testament mentions repudiating an adulterous wife, but there is no concensus on this point in the Catholic and Orthodox worlds.
The Orthodox Church, under pressure by Byzantine emperors, limited the possibility for divorce and remarriage. The Catholic Church tolerated divorce and remarriage until late in the Middle Ages. Around the 12th century the indissolubility of marriage started to be enforced and it became the exclusive affair of the Church. In cases of adultery, separation was the only option, with no possibility for remarrying.
Some of the following examples show how divorce has been and is viewed around the world. "Rome in classical times before Christianization had an informal, private divorce process. Divorces could be carried out mutually by the partners. Husbands could unilaterally decide on divorce for little or no reason, announced by a letter "repudium" (Kalafut 3). Can you imagine being given a letter from your husband stating he was divorcing you for no reason? "In 449 the emperors Theodosius and Valentinian of Rome changed the divorce law to allow penalty-free divorces to men and women if their spouse committed certain acts (homicide, poisoning, robbery, etc) (Kalafut 3).
"In 1792 divorce was legalized in France then later made illegal in 1816" (Kalafut 3). It is legal today. I can't believe that finally Ireland made divorce legal on February 27, 1997! This is a good example of knowing family law before moving to another country. Chile is another country that has made tremendous cultural changes in the last decade by allowing divorce to become legal in 2004 after a 120 year ban. Also, Italy joined the Western Hemisphere in 1974 by legalizing divorce. This was a landmark decision in a country that has been dominated by the Roman Catholic Church.
It is evident that divorce has not been a new concept over time and among cultures, but the process has evolved.
Antokolskaia, Masha V. "The Process of Modernisation of Family Law in Eastern and Western Europe, Difference in Timing, Resemblance in Substance." EJCL Volume number 4.2 (2000): 5-7. http://www.ejcl.org/. Web. 11/12/2010.
Kalafut, Molly. "Molly Kalafut". http://www.molly.kalafut.org/. 2009. Web. 11/12/2010.
Friday, November 12, 2010
History of Divorce
photo by encyclopedia brittanica The Bible states "there is nothing new under the sun" (Ecclesiastes 1:9). This is true of divorce. The practice and "law" of divorce has been documented as early as ca. 1760 BCE in the Code of Hammurabi. The Code states "divorce was optional with the man, but he had to restore the dowry and, if the wife had borne him children, she had the custody of them. He had then to assign her the income of field, or garden, as well as goods, to maintain herself and children until they grew up. She then shared equally with them in the estate upon his death and was free to marry again. If she had no children, he returned her the dowry and paid her a sum equivalent to the bride-price, or a mina of silver, if there had been none.
If she had been a bad wife, the Code allowed him to send her away, while he kept the children and her dowry; or he could degrade her to the position of a slave in his own house, where she would have food and clothing" (King 17). Through the ages, divorce has touched someone in some way. You might not have personal experience directly, but the effects indirectly can be substantial. In this blog I will educate and enlighten you on the history of divorce and the viewpoints on it from Roman Catholicism to Christianity. We will also discuss the skyrocketing statistics of divorce rates and the effects on children of divorced families. I, myself, have become one of the statistics and fortunately did not have children of my own."Bible." Ecclesiastes 1:9
King, L.W. "The Code of Hammurabi." Translated. Encyclopedia Brittanica. 11th Edition, 1910. 17.
Photo by Encyclopedia Brittanica, 11th Edition, 1910.
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